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07 March, 2011

The Time I Got Braces

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There’s probably nothing more depressing than knowing you look ugly.  And don’t try the “Ugh, I’m sure you look fine, Jessica.”  Because 1) You’ve never seen me, b) As previously mentioned, I know I look ugly and cuatro, we’re talking about braces here—but not only braces…  I also wear glasses and constantly have a horribly acne-ridden face.  So, that’s like…  TRIPLE the geek face.  Do you understand how much pain a person has to go through everyday they wake up and look at themselves and know they are ugly forever and ever amen?

So, I just wanted to write this little recount of me getting braces for future reference.

So you’re getting braces, huh?

Well, this is what happened.  It was the morning of and I got to skip school.  Finally, it was nine, the time of the goshdarn appointment.  We got to the dentist and in the pre-meeting, the dentist showed around awkward pictures they had taken many months before of me with my horrible teeth and hilariously frizzy side braid.  Then she mentioned I had an overbite, that they’d probably have my wisdom teeth removed, and my teeth would probably take two years to straighten.  I have to admit, I wasn’t really paying attention, all I could think of was how I planned to live in Amish existance for two years seeing as I was going to be ugly for two years and I was also pretty nervous because I thought that getting braces put on was a painful process, but the foolish stories my cousins told me that you get your braces drilled on and they yank teeth around and that the wire cuts up your lip were not true.

So they cleaned my teeth and what not and did other weird things—I can honestly say I was sort of dozing off while they did these things.  I felt weird and my jaw was getting tired, and I was just looking at this bird who kept staring at me outside the window.  But after a while the lady told me to rinse off my mouth and I realize she had glued the brackets on.  I looked at myself in the mirror as I rinsed my mouth and I almost dropped dead.  I looked like Fregley from the Diary of a Wimpy Kid.  I felt horrendous, and I couldn’t even talk.  When they finally got the wires in, she told me to look at myself.  She asked me how I felt.  I stared at her.  She laughed.  “Yeah, you don’t have to answer that.”

So I got home and didn’t want to show anyone.  But I was happy—everyone complained it hurt, but it was three hours after and I still didn’t feel anything.  Oh, how I was wrong.  I tried eating Macaroni and Cheese and ended up crying from the pain.  My teeth felt like they were all loose, and every time I closed my mouth a sharp pain would shoot up my teeth, like a knife digging in and…  ugh, I’m getting too grossed out.  Plus, the sharp bits of the bracket did dig into the inner cheek and I felt like I couldn’t either have my mouth open for a while or close my mouth completely.  The pain was unbearable.  And the day after, it still hurt like a female dog.  And now it’s been three days after and I still haven’t eaten anything the past two days.  Anything.  I attempted to eat spaghetti, but that was a fail.  I attempted to swallow it whole without any chewing, but after a while it got depressing…  and gross.

And I still feel like the ugliest duckling.

Have any of you had braces before?