A Sister's Social Agony

✍ CURRENTLY WRITING FROM: VERACRUZ, MEXICO

One thing that I resent about me being the oldest sister, and not growing up with a companion close my age, is the fact that I never had anyone to impress.  I didn't try to better myself or learn from someone else's mistakes.  I couldn't talk to my father about the things I was curious about because he expected me to find a way to figure it out on my own.  I chose not to talk to my mother about things because she very respectfully abhors excuses, which I'm full of.

I get so obnoxious and cheesy when it comes to having sisters.  For one, I think the idea of sisters fits my aesthetic preferences so much.  Maybe it has something to do with watching Madeline and the Parent Trap too much as a child.  Also, I get consumed with horrible pride whenever either of them comes to me with a question or some way to impress me.

When I was a few years younger, and still cruel to Sabrina, my dad would often berate me for this, and he would always find a way to let me know in the end of our conversation that all my sister wanted was "to impress me and have me like her".  My heart always broke and I ended the day being overly nice to her, which would then lead to me becoming angry and cruel again whenever she didn't reciprocate.

I made a pact with Sabrina over half a year ago.

We promise each other a lot of things, and I know that she can be very nonchalant about the things she tells me, and the things I tell her, but I make sure to keep it in my heart that I will stay true to my promises to her.

One of our pacts is to legally be drunk in front of one another for the first time.  This means that I will wait until she's 21 so that we can both be piss-drunk, as the kids say, This works out fine for me, considering how scared I am of alcohol.  We also plan to live together and try to become adults together for at least a little bit because we're not really sure how letting go of people works yet.

We went to Mexico recently to visit some family and see some prettyness and I got really emotionally attached to my camera and my sisters' beauty.  The end.

Luces de Bengala

✍ CURRENTLY WRITING FROM: BAJA CALIFORNIA, MEXICO

Everything that could have been said about this New Year has, obviously, already been said.  A lot of people don't like setting resolutions because they think it is hopeless.  A lot of other people think that they only way they're going to get things done is by setting goals for themselves, promising they'll be more fit or quit smoking.  I personally believe that this new year is a nice, healthy incentive to start my own personal resolution for 2013:  start making more goals.

I don't promise myself that I'll be fitter, or I'll stop eating chocolate (that...  I just laughed out loud thinking about such a thing), but I do promise that I'll start setting goals for myself.  I will meet them and I will create new ones for myself.  I believe this cycle will help me become a more fulfilled, self-appreciating person.

That's my only promise to myself.  I know if I promise various, more specific things, I will become upset once I don't meet them.

Also, sometimes I like to think I'm a talented video editor:

This is secretly one of my secretly secret goals-- I plan to document my life a bit more this year, with pictures and film.  If it turns out to be ugly and non-aesthetically-pleasing, well I'll know in my heart that I tried.

Happy New Year—New Year’s Resolutions

This year has been so incredibly…  uneventful.  I’m still trying to gather my thoughts, but here are my New Year’s Resolutions, as of now:

• Be happier…  what’s the point of being incredibly depressed and having a pity party all the time?  There’s absolutely no point, and it’s pathetic, in retrospect.
• Finish writing my book…  what’s stopping me?  Why can’t I?  There’s no reason for me to not just write.  I’m just scared.  Which brings me to…
• …stop being scared.  Stop having panic attacks.  Learn how to deal with my anxiety.
• Learn how to be a committed person.  Write in my journal more often, stop abandoning my blog.
• Learn how to be by myself.
• Read 80 books.  Find my writing style.  Write for myself.
• Fall recklessly, unabashedly, stupidly in love with someone or something.  The world, is possible.

What are you resolved to do this year?