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11 April, 2012

Last Night was my Favorite Night

✍ CURRENTLY WRITING FROM: SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA

I don’t know how to get rid of these feelings that I feel, these feelings that give me heavy boots, but I’ve made them part of my life goal, and once I find how to get rid of them, I plan to write a book about it and sell-out on Oprah.  One thing does help me feel better, though, and that is cleaning my room.  I acquire this feeling of entitlement, accomplishment, and self-righteousness after I finish stacking the last book on the side of my wiped-clean closet on the floor of my recently-vacuumed room.


On this new “super girl” high I had, I took the opportunity to get homework done.  “This is fantastic!” I thought.  “I can do anything good!  This homework is a piece of cake!  I am going to graduate, not a valedictorian, but pleased with myself because I tried my hardest, and also, my life was not high-school-movie-cliche sucky!  I am so happy right now!”

And I was.  My desk was clean and I set my things on my desk.  The sun was setting, so I opened up the window in front of my desk and listened to the children on my street play tag in the dark.  I’ve mentioned it about five times already, but I love the fact that these kids on my street are always playing outside.



The wind was blowing softly.  There was high-pitched laughter, but it was not shrilly.  I lit my first ever Yankee Candle (I suggest that, if you’re a Yankee virgin like I was, you should videotape your reaction—I regret not videotaping mine) and didn’t want to put it out later that night.  The wind blew the scent of Buttercream towards my face.  I tackled the pros and the cons of America’s Golden Age and the Civil Rights movement.  I wore a sweater that reminded me of a beach night with a boy I used to like.  (I know this sounds like the set-up to a plot twist where something terrible is creeping up, about to ruin my night, but I don’t need to warn you, nothing terrible occurred.)


There were a few times where I listened in on the kids playing outside.  They were telling jokes.  One of them said one of my favorite puns, which is “I forgot how to throw a boomerang…  then it came back to me.”  None of the other kids got it, but I cackled loudly and obnoxiously to let this kid know that there is a teenager in dark clothing listening in to children playing outside in the night.  And also, that joke never quite gets old.

I also have this habit of watching myself laugh.  After I laughed, I looked at myself in the mirror smiling.  Because of my braces, it has become impossible for me to smile without covering my mouth with my hand, but this time I grinned broadly at myself in the mirror and didn’t twist my face into that of disgust at my exposed gums and bulky orthodontia.



Last night was my favorite night.  I loved myself the way I felt I should.  I was unabashedly happy.  I had salted mango.  And I wrote in my journal again for the first time in two months.

Also, I’m growing fond of my smile again.

25 comments :

  1. Nights like these are precious and even though I am a lot older than you I still have days/evenings where I feel pretty dark. When times like the one you describe just seem to appear from nowhere, I cherish them and realise that truly anything is possible (or at least that's how it feels). They are beautifully uncontrived, simple by their very nature and entirely unexpected, making them all the more wonderful.

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  2. I truly love this post of yours. It made me feel good about myself even if now I've been quite confused about who I am and what I want to become. I must say that you made me eager to finish my work for today so that, hopefuly, I will a night just as magical as yours.

    Hugs and thank you again !
    PS: Also, your style of writing is amazing - honest and clear :)

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  3. Good for you. I have moments like that sometimes but they pass too quickly.

    / Avy
    http://MyMotherFuckedMickJagger.blogspot.com



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  4. I'm so glad that you're feeling nice! Also, cute dress!

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  5. likeeeeee your blog!! :):)
    keep posting girl and go for it!

    XX

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  6. This made me smile. Everyone deserves to have nights like this. :)

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  7. I love this :) I'm so glad you felt that way. remember it - feel it more often!

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  8. Aww I love this post! I'm glad you're feeling happy :)
    Just the sight of that Yankee candle has me sniffing away hoping to smell it...

    x

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  9. You are a very good writer, I enjoyed reading this.
    It's good that you like your smile again, I had braces last year but didn't let it effect me and I smiled open in almost every photo!
    Teenage Daydreams X

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  10. Warning: side effects of this post may include inexplicable warm fuzzy feeling in stomach.
    Just so you know :)

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  11. This was such a lovely post to read. I love having nights to myself like this when it's the littlest things which mean the most

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  12. This post is beautiful - I totally agree that a tidy room definitely helps me relax in it. I had braces for over two years and hated them, but it is so worth it in the end I promise!

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  13. Ohhh, Jessica. I love your blog. Nights like these make life so much more bearable and fun. I think 'easy times' like that are necessary to survive, and reading your blog was like I was there, with you. :)

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  14. I love your writing and the simple pleasures of a clean room and the sound of children playing/birds singing/the party next door... I know exactly what you're talking about, when everything is perfect and clear and you can do anything. Best feeling ever.

    - Sóley
    we are purple

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  15. I know this feeling. It's so warm and fuzzy without being too steamy and uncomfortable, does that make sense? KING OF THE WORLD, kind of.

    But how freeing is the feeling of no more metal mouth. I got my braces off a few weeks ago and all I do it smile,WITHOUT THE HAND. It's good. It's great.

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  16. Lovely blog!
    http://xtheperfectmess.blogspot.com.au

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  17. Lovely post - I always enjoy reading your musings; you have such a unique writing style! Cleaning my room always makes me feel better as well, & more productive... I should probably do it more often haha. Sounds like you had a lovely, simple evening. Glad for your returning smiles :)

    <3 Shawna
    Serpentine Streets

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  18. I'm sure those kids will start making more puns and jokes beneath your window from now on.

    Also I'm glad you had a wonderful night. Sometimes I tend to write about terrible nights, and leave the good nights from my blog... I focus on negatives I guess. I'll start writing about good times too, promise.

    // SOYCONFESSIONS.BLOGSPOT.COM

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    1. I sure do hope so-- they've got corny jokes and nice laughs.

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  19. Aw, such an uplifting post. I don't know if I could ever be at peace with my smile. I have a lot of problems with the way it looks, won't go into it in this comment though. My boyfriend cleans and tidies his room as a means of therapy too.

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    1. I won't try to forcibly convince you or anything, but after seeing your smile in your graduation post, it's beautiful! Just to let you know.

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  20. Absolutely beautiful post. I love these moments, and I am thankful you captured yours to share with us! What a lovely memory to keep close by.

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  21. Solía odiar mi sonrisa cuando llevaba la ortodoncia, ahora odio mi sonrisa porque tengo muchas muelas negras gracias a los empastes de hace mas de 20 años y la muela que se me rompió y me tuvieron que quitar y nunca me arreglé..., ahora es cuando extraño mis dientes con aparatos.

    Y que bonito es escuchar a los niños jugando en la calle, a mi también me gusta cuando no son demasiado ruidosos.
    Una noche maravillosa!

    Girls that glitter love the dark
    xoxo

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    Replies
    1. Que mala onda que le haya pasado todo eso a tu pobre boca! :( Espero que las dos en un día podamos amar nuestras sonrisas!

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Thank you, pal.