Friday evenings are generally my “this is horrible, I hate the world, what is wrong with you” kind of day—I have this indescribable hatred for Fridays and the (I don’t want to say depression because I’ve been informed that this is an obnoxious trait of mine, throwing around the word “depressing” around all of the time) sad dullness they bring. Especially sitting in the backseat of a car, by yourself, with designated drivers that feel “quality time” is using the iPhone they still don’t know how to use at every stoplight.
In a desperate attempt to feed my raging need for anything that would prevent me from thawing out in the sun with the half-eaten jar of nutella, I looked through the list of Top Ten High School Musicals Movies and resorted to watching Bye Bye Birdie. And now… my life has changed.
One of these days I’ll channel Kim McAfee. One of these days I’ll learn how to channel Kim McAfee. Her stylist needs to get promoted (if they’re dead, then their child, whatever it is they’re working in right now. And if their child is dead, then their child.) One of these days I’ll learn how to channel anything. One of these days I’ll have the confidence to channel anything. One of these days I’ll have confidence. One of these. One of. One.
Typical teens in America, you know, as you do.
The “Birdie” uniform was adorable and I want to get myself one of those jackets.
“YOU REALLY GOT PINNED?! CRAZY! CRAZY!!1!”
I had to rewind the “Kim got pinned” song about a googolplex of times to re-watch it because I kept pausing to capture each and every frame of the entire scene. The diner? Dead. So adorable. Those bathing suits? Dead. Blondes distracting a driver in a moving car? Dangerous. Dancing feet under a table? Dead.
I was thoroughly enjoying the “How Lovely to Be a Woman” scene until she mentioned how with braces you doubt you’ll ever be appealing, and I was thoroughly annoyed with this thoroughly obnoxious line someone didn’t look thoroughly through. (Not to plug in any sort of “Ohmahgaw, I’ll never be a woman with these braces!” subliminal message, but now that I mention it, I hope you realize that I totally am.)
“Doris. Mother. Mommy!”
I wonder what the 1960’s word for “swag” was.
“Doesn’t getting pinned mean anything these days?”
The mysterious epidemic that swept across the nation put in play as thousands of girls die in Sweet Apple. (Just kidding—Conrad Birdie simply thrust his pelvis!) As you would.
Throughout the movie, though, I was extremely distracted by Dick Van Dyke. It was really terrible, I couldn’t focus on the storyline. Only when Birdie was actually in the MacAfee house did I realize that Birdie was supposed to be there? Dick Van Dyke is a dream boat. “A man of my ilk does not commit suicide.” It’s outstanding. “Confidentially, I respect my mother, but I do what I want.”
On the corny level, it was quite. Was it delightful? Quite. All I really want now though is the mint green dress Kim wears when she’s singing with Hugo, convincing him of her love for him. Perfection in dress form.